03 Jul The Art Of Seduction
Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I am yours for ever.
Women are romantic creatures at heart. Sure we are attracted to the physical. I would be hard pressed to name one of my friends that hasn’t at some point slept with a good looking guy just for the sake of it, (for me it was my second form PE teacher; a gorgeous specimen of a man. Luckily I had by then left the second form well behind).
However true seduction takes much more than just the spark of physical attraction; it requires intimacy, courtship and for me, intellectual flirtation. My wildest most passionate affair was with a man I didn’t sleep with for the first six months we were involved. Before we even kissed there were many months of intense intellectual courtship. This romance had the added attraction of being illicit (The Lure of Forbidden Fruit). Often I would sense his presence before I could see him. He only had to look at me and I would feel the curl of anticipation in the pit of my stomach. His voice was deep and husky. Lengthy business meetings were a delight and a torture. I would find myself squirming in my seat. Making prolonged eye contact was irresistible, but impossible.
When I eventually succumbed to temptation, the sex was never quite as exciting as the promise of the unfulfilled potential. But by then it was too late, I was well and truly seduced. After my mastectomy and in the months before I started to date. I seriously wondered whether I would ever feel an intense attraction again. I saw myself as physically disfigured and thought it was a real possibility that I might remain celibate for the rest of my life. I sat down and wrote a wish list of what I thought it would take and what sort of man would be able to entice me into a sexual relationship. • Kind, • Confident, • Calm, • Principled, • Intelligent, • Could make me laugh, • Attentive and • A Sexual Dynamo. I didn’t want a man with issues that I had to rescue. I wanted a strong man with the sexual confidence to counter balance my insecurities. Someone who could dismantle my walls brick by brick , to prevent them crashing downand leaving nothing in their wake.
Surely this is not too much to ask?
Many months later I realised whether a potential partner meets all these criteria is not important but whether he meets those criteria that are non-negotiable is crucial. The things that I am not prepared to compromise on.
Hmm how do I work out which characteristics are most important? How do I know if I am making the right choice as to what is negotiable and what is not? I suspect too often women doubt their value and wind up feeling short-changed. Lily Allen summed up this dilemma well in her lyrics:
Oh he treats me with respect He says he loves me all the time He calls me 15 times a day He likes to make sure that I’m fine You know I’ve never met a man who’s made me feel quite so secure He’s not like all them other boys They’re all so dumb and immature There’s just one thing that’s getting in the way When we go up to bed you’re just no goodIt’s such a shame I look into your eyes I want to get to know you And then you make this noise and it’s apparent it’s all over It’s not fair And I think you’re really mean I think you’re really mean I think you’re really mean Oh you’re supposed to care But you never make me scream You never make me scream Oh it’s not fair And it’s really not ok It’s really not ok It’s really not ok But all you do is take Yeah all you do is take Oh I lie here in the wet patch In the middle of the bed I’m feeling pretty damn hard done by I spent ages giving head Then I remember all the nice things that you ever said to me Maybe I’m just overreacting maybe you’re the one for me .
The first time I heard this song I laughed. The second time I cried.